Day 6

Okay Day 6, was not the best of any of my day in any shape form of fashion, again I get up late because I have slept past my alarm, which meant I got out to the farm late. As I pull up to the farm I see Alan pulling in and there is someone in the passenger seat, and they look to be about Dennis's height, which I automatically assume it is. Well it wasn't it was Andrew, the other rider coming from California, who I didn't think was coming until July 1. So okay new guy, new twist to how everything is going to be run around the farm. So as Alan is showing Andrew around, I start to get Sambo ready, and I over hear Alan telling Andrew that there are really no rules, except that he likes people to wear hard hats. So my lesson on Sambo was okay, I was in major amount of pain because of the way that Alan was having me ride. Andrew is on young six year old that was one of three hours that went clean in a competition for qualification for 6 years old. So and Alan starts to set up a little combination in the indoor arena, and already I am not getting my hopes up that he is setting that up for me, and he isn't Andrew start to jump the six year old around. So for the first time I also get to go out side since Alan wants Andrew to jump outside, I just get to tag along and watch.
After Sambo is put away, and I start to get Indoctro because that is who Alan said to ride next, but they pick the horses feet before it exits the stall and Indoctro kick some up in my face and I start to have some sort of allegoric (spelling?) reaction o the straw, their hay has already made me sneeze and have a runny nose, so now my eyes are running and my skin is breaking out in a rash (THOUGHTS: great......). So I wash my face and hope that it goes away. So with the luck that I have it doesn't, great so I take Indoctro out to the outdoor arena and suddenly find myself being screamed from across the field by Alan, how I can't come out to the outdoor with out his permission.
So this has not really helped my day at all, he is telling Andrew there are no rules and telling me I have to have permission to go outside, so now I am not feeling well physical, but mentally too, and I didn't even realize it until I get into the arena that I have tears running down my face whether it was from emotional shock or allergies I don't know anymore.
But I get done with Indoctro put him away and leave for the afternoon because of the allergies and I am upset with some stuff at the farm but I am able to rationalize it thought my head. But that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to feel what I feel. I realize that I have been here almost and week and I haven't gotten to jump yet because we were going to work on my flat work but Alan just let me flat on my own for three days instead giving exercises on how to ease the transition of riding, and Andrew is here on is first day and has jumped like three or four horses. And I get it I really do, Andrew is an amazing rider and it was amazing to watch him ride, so I was starting to feel insecure in my own riding. And then I suddenly realize I don't have anyone to go vent these feelings of frustration and insecurity to, that I was alone to deal with it by myself, no one to give me a hug :-(. So I just went back to the B&B and rest for the rest of the day.